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Since the goal of life is a Supreme
Aloneness known as kaivalya, and God Himself is alone to Himself,
spiritual practice or sadhana in the direction of the attainment of this
supreme Aloneness also consists of a development of a kind of aloneness in our
own selves.
Are we alone in this world, or are we not
alone in this world? There are two types of aloneness. One is a desolate,
depressing feeling of being discarded by human society, and having been subjected
to an unfortunate psychological aloneness, as if in a prison. This is one kind
of aloneness, where an external force is exercised upon us to be alone to
ourselves. It is a punishment of a legal nature, and not a happy, welcome
condition.
There is another kind of aloneness which we
impose upon our own selves, due to being disgusted with certain things, being
unhappy with conditions prevailing in society and circumstances around. One
would like to be away from these circumstances, and be alone to oneself
somewhere else.
When people are angry, they wish not to
speak to any person. "Do not talk to me!" is a retort of an angry person. They
do not want to eat. They want to sit alone somewhere, because of the intensity
of anger. That is also a kind of aloneness imposed by oneself, upon oneself,
for totally negative reasons.
There are various other types of aloneness,
which one feels within oneself when one has lost everything that one had: all
the property has gone; relatives have deserted the person; the business has
failed; the stock market has gone down; millions have been lost; the very earth
is shaking under the feet, and one feels at that time an aloneness of a
wretched type.
I have heard of a person who was always
busy in stock market dealings, and in one particular instance, that person lost
everything in one second. That very day he died of a heart attack because of
the wretchedness that he felt within himself, an aloneness which entered into
his vitals and took away his energy.
But kaivalya, which is aloneness, is
not a psychological aloneness. It is not a loneliness that is felt by the mind
attached to this body. It is the loneliness of the spirit that is within us.
Our soul is alone by itself.
That we are, truly speaking, alone in this
world is something very easy to understand. All the associations that we are
speaking of - money, power, and social relations - are conditions artificially
created by the coming together of a certain favourable atmosphere, because when
a person is born as a little child, that child is totally alone to itself. It
has no property; it has no consciousness of relations. It cannot know that it
belongs to anybody, or anyone belongs to it.
There is a gap of some years which we call
life in this world. When that span of life is over, another aloneness creeps
into oneself, which is the time of departure from this world. A sense of
agonising aloneness is felt at that time. In something like a second childhood,
the aged person starts behaving as if he is a crawling baby; the mind blabbers
and chatters and starts saying anything and everything, as an illiterate,
untutored child would speak. Erratic desires arise in the mind at that time.
While really in childhood the consciousness of external relations is not there,
in old age, at the time of passing, there is the other side of the feeling of
aloneness, that everyone has left them.
When a person is passing, relations come
near. "Do you know who I am?" they ask. "Do you recognise me?" Sometimes the
consciousness of recognition fails. Even if the eyes see, and through the eyes
one can recognise who the person is, one cannot fully express that relation.
Hearing also fails, afterwards, and eyes fail. The mind alone starts thinking,
but the mind also fails. Only the prana remains, afterwards. When the prana
fails, there is exit from this body. This exit is, to a person who has been
accustomed to social living and a grandiose public existence, the worst thing
that can be imagined.
It is necessary to have that amount of
wisdom in everyone, especially as spiritual seekers, that when aloneness was
the condition of our coming into this world, and aloneness is the condition
into which we shall enter when we are departing, how is it that we do not feel
alone in the middle, and we have a totally different feeling of having so many
things, which we never brought when we came, nor shall we take when we go?
So, all relationship of every kind is a
total illusion that is foisted upon the socially conditioned mind of an
individual, because if that sense of aloneness, which was at the time of birth,
and which shall be at the time of passing, continues for some fifty or sixty
years in the middle also, the person may perish due to the grief of it.
But nature's cleverness sees to it that the
individual does not perish before due time, so an illusory satisfaction is
created that one has everything: "So much land I have got." The land was
existing there even before the birth of this person, and it shall be there,
unaffected, even after the person leaves this world, but yet he thinks, "It is
my land. Hundreds and hundreds of acres of land are mine. I have got so many
friends, so many relations."
Like flies leaving one place and going to
another place, all things shall leave a person at any moment. Bereavement is
the law of nature, because of the fact that association is an artificial,
contrived situation that cannot stand for all time.
When discretion takes the upper hand in our
life, we shall realise that we are always alone to ourselves. There are no friends
in this world, because the association of people in the form of friendship is
conditioned by certain arrangements of agreement: "If you do this, I am your
friend. If you do not do this, I am not your friend." So, we have put an 'if',
even in the friendship. And if that 'if' is lifted, no person can be a friend
of any other person. It is a kind of contract, as it were, that one enters into
when there is an organisation and an association. There cannot be an
organisation or an association of people, unless there is an agreement to
behave in a particular manner, and conduct themselves in a requisite manner,
for a purpose which is in agreement among themselves. So goes society; so the
community goes; so states go; so nations go. If the agreement is broken for any
reason whatsoever, the person stands alone to himself.
A spiritual seeker has to know this
aloneness in oneself. It is not good to feel aloneness only at the time of
departure from this body, because surely it will come as a shock at that time.
That we are going to lose everything is something that need not be thrust upon
us at a time when we are not expecting it; we must be prepared for it, even
now.
When the worst happens we will know how to
face it, because there cannot be anything worse than death, where we are dispossessed
of everything that we thought is ours. Considering that associations of wealth
and relations are intensely conditional and cannot be relied upon - anyone can
turn one's back against us for some reason or other - it is necessary to find
peace in one's own self. If peace is borrowed from associations and connections
with external things like wealth and relations of people, that borrowed
happiness and peace will go like the money of a creditor, which will not stand
with us for a long time. We cannot live by borrowed peace.
An intrinsic strength should be developed
within our own selves. It is not a strength extrinsically foisted upon us by
authority, power, election and position. Intrinsic strength is that which one
feels within oneself, even if everything goes. But what kind of strength can
there be when everything goes? You will be wondering how one can feel
intrinsically strong and satisfied if everything departs, and everything
collapses. What kind of intrinsic strength can be there? That intrinsic
strength comes by our friendship, not with human beings and monetary existence,
but by our friendship with nature as a whole.
We are not friends of nature. We are
opposed to nature, oftentimes, because we feel that we are totally independently
constituted, though the fact is that our personality is a borrowed existence
made up by the substances borrowed from nature outside. We do not exist independent
of earth, water, fire, air and ether, which constitute our body. But we are not
grateful to nature. We do not recognise that our existence is nothing but a
borrowed existence and that we live because of nature's cooperation with us.
When nature protects us, our aloneness
expands itself into the largeness of nature itself. The whole universe is
nature, in one way. Whatever is the environment around us, about which I spoke
on the first day itself, is the thing and the substance out of which we are
made. Cosmic operations come together in a pinpointed, pressure point-like
manner, and form our individuality. Cosmic substances, which are spread out in
all directions, for some reason concentrate themselves at a point and create a
situation which is called 'my individuality'.
If this is known by us, and if we think in
terms of those forces which have contributed to the formation of our
personality, we shall not depend for our existence on frail relationships with
untrustworthy human beings and unreliable wealth of the world, but will rely
upon what is our trustworthy friend. That which is a reliable associate of our
own selves is that which will not desert us at any moment. The very wind that
blows, the very sun that shines, and the air that we breathe, which are
cosmically operating, are the fingers of God working everywhere.
Philosophers and mystics say that spiritual
life is a process of the movement of the alone to the Alone; it is the small
'a' rising gradually to the highest capital 'A'. Everything is alone in this
world. The connection of one thing with another thing is artificial. Two
things cannot be joined together, under any circumstance. Nature's law is
aloneness, finally. Nature is indivisible oneness, and aloneness, by itself.
All things stand by themselves in their
cooperative makeup, which arises on account of the functioning of the total
nature in everyone. Though we look like many people sitting here, we are all
little chips of the old block of Universal Substance, which makes us look
similar to one another, as statues made of marble have a similarity of the
substance out of which they are made, because all are marble in spite of the
shape and the contour of the carved figure.
The collecting of oneself into an aloneness
by oneself, at least during meditation, is an utter necessity. There should be
some time in your life when you feel that you are alone to yourself. People
mostly are miserable when they are totally alone. When we have no work to do,
when we have finished the day's duty and had our lunch and dinner, if nobody
comes to talk, we just walk out to the marketplace or the club so that we may
see people and have a chat with them, because to be alone to oneself,
unbefriended, unseen and unsung, is misery.
Does anyone feel miserable when one is
alone to oneself? "Where is my husband? Where is my wife? Where are my children?
Where are my relations? I was expecting these guests; where are they?" If they
do not come, we are not happy.
Their coming, their cooperation, their
feeling of at-one-ment with us makes us feel happy - my child, my daughter, my
son, my this, my that. If these are dissociated for any reason, a predicament
that can come upon us at any time, we shall be lost souls in one instant. It is
necessary for a spiritual seeker to feel that he or she is never a lost soul.
The soul is ever complete in itself. It only requires recognition of the
aloneness.
So, when we sit for meditation, or even
without being in a state of meditation, when we are without any kind of outer
association, we can gather ourselves into this conviction of our being always
guarded by the powers of the quarters in heaven. "This person who is satisfied
in one's own self is guarded by the quarters," say the scriptures. "All the
eight quarters of heaven will bend before you and offer obeisance to you," says
the Upanishad. "Be confident that you are in perpetual friendly association
with the permanent forces of nature; they can never desert you."
For this purpose, to get accommodated to a
satisfaction of being alone to oneself, intense practice of inner enquiry about
one's own self is necessary. Big man or small man, with authority or without
authority, whatever it is, let each one put a question to one's own self: "What
is my value? What is my worth? Is there any worth in me, independent of any
kind of external association?" When you are alone in your bedroom, when nobody
sees you, when you are isolated in a little corner of your own house, divest
yourself of the importance that is foisted on you by external conditions. Put a
question to yourself: "What is my importance in this world?"
Sincerely if you put a question to
yourself, you will find that there is no great importance associated with
oneself. But, is it necessary to feel always that one is an unimportant person?
There is an importance attached to us intrinsically, which we have forgotten,
and we feel miserable, unimportant, finite, limited, localised, and wretched,
because of our association of importance with conditions of the outside world
which are artificially made to be connected with ourselves. A deliberate
dissociation of psychological connection with things, not necessarily forced
upon us by conditions of life, should land us in the ascertainment of our true
nature of substantiality, or unsubstantiality.
If we have a strength of our own inside,
born of a conviction of inclusiveness and perfect adjustment of thought,
coextensive with nature as a whole, there should be no difficulty in being
alone to oneself. It is actually a large aloneness, an expanded form of
aloneness - not socially expanded, but metaphysically expanded, spiritually
expanded. Your soul has touched the souls of things outside, and so that
aloneness that you feel at that time is a spiritual aloneness, a reflection of
God's aloneness, as it were.
I am reminded of a line from Milton's Paradise
Lost where Adam, having being created, sees around him large nature, one
thing having connection with another thing. There are trees and animals; they
live in a brood, but he has nothing with him. He complains to God Almighty: "My
Lord, I am alone. You have not given me any friends."
The Lord Almighty God answers him: "My dear
child, do you know that I am alone? I have no friends. I have no associations.
I am alone to myself. Do you know that? Can you say that I am an unhappy person
because I have nobody around me, and I am alone? Learn this from me." This is
an answer that the Lord is supposed to be speaking to Adam when he complains
of the lack of facilities of social association. This is not in the Bible; it
is only Milton's idea.
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