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by Swami Krishnananda
Desires also are not so many in number. They are squeezed down to only three, according to an analysis made by the great masters of the Upanishads. They put on various colours and shapes and make it appear that they are too many. These three desires are called eshanas in the language of the Upanishads – basic longings which are psycho-biological. They are psychical and also connected with the biological makeup of the body.
The impulse of self-respect and reputation goes with egoism or the affirmation of individuality – you think you are such and such a thing, and you would not like anyone to think about you in any other manner. Suppose someone calls you a fool. Although you know that you are not a fool, still the word disturbs the concept that you have about yourself. It is an attack on your notion about what you are.
If I say that you are a tree, you will not be agitated so much. But, suppose I say you are an ass. You are disturbed beyond imagination. Why are you not disturbed when I say that you are a tree? You know very well that you cannot be a tree, so what I talk is utter nonsense; but if I say you are an ass, you have a suspicion that perhaps you may be a little bit that also. That is why you want immediately to retort, "No, I am not!"
This suspicious character that is in us also will be a trouble one day or the other. People hang themselves, drown themselves, to maintain their self-respect. There is nothing more important than self-love, but you cannot describe what it means. It is a flimsy indescribable notion, an idea, an appreciation in the mind. You will die for the sake of it. You have an idea about yourself and you would want to die to maintain that particular idea. Such a strength this egoism of human psyche has!
Wherever you go, even if you are a beggar on the street, you would not like to be insulted by anyone. The beggar has a personality which he respects even when he is in the most wretched condition. Even a dying man would not like to be ridiculed. This self-affirmation aspect is a bane. It is the Ravana inside us; it is the Kumbhakarna, which everyone is basically.
Which of these three desires will come first, you cannot say; it depends upon the circumstance. When you are intensely hungry and have not eaten for several days, you will not be thinking other aspects of your desires because of the pressure of the appetite and the hunger of the stomach. You will want only food at that time; the other desires, though they are present, will withdraw themselves for the time being due to the exigency of the time and the condition.
The desire to maintain oneself physically appears as hunger and thirst. If hunger and thirst are not attended to properly, the physical existence itself will be threatened. The psychological existence also is important, together with physical existence. You have to be something physically, and you have to be something in your mind also. So, you must maintain the ego psychologically as a way of internal self-affirmation and maintain the physical body as a kind of external self-affirmation. This is the whole picture.
Self-affirmation of a twofold character (physical and psychological) is one kind of desire which is inseparable from our existence itself. It is not a desire emanating like a shoot from a plant; it is identical with what we are. It is a desire for security of existence.
The second desire is the urge to possess appurtenances of life in as large a measure as possible. It is not merely enough if you exist as an individual physically and psychologically. You have to expand the dimension of your personality by adding to yourself whatever is possible from the outside world. This is the desire for property, wealth, belonging, gold, silver, land, house, money.
As the individual personality is characterised by two types of self-affirmation (physical and psychological) the desire for expanding one's personality also is of a twofold character. You want a twofold wealth from this world outside – physical property as well as psychological property (intellectual property, as people sometimes call it). You would like people to recognise you as much as possible. Everybody should praise you. If you do not receive enough recognition from people around, you create means and circumstances of contacting as large a number of people as possible so that you may be recognised by them. You go about and tell people what you are and speak to them, and advertise yourself. If the world pours on you encomiums, your intellectual property gets expanded. You have become larger in your conception of what you are.
Who likes finitude? The little tiny tot that you are, though you are secure, what is the good of it, the security as a finite individual? Would you like to live like a little animal, like an ant or a plant? This is not the way in which we wish to have security. It has to be enhanced properly.
There is a third one, which is the desire to perpetuate oneself. The secret person inside tells us that one day we are going to die. You may have a lot of wealth and everybody is praising you as the greatest man in the world, but for three minutes only. After the three minutes you are going to perish. This is indeed shocking. You want to be, always. You desire to be in possession of all the wealth that you have acquired and to be also in possession of all the name that you have gained in this world. What is the use of having it for three minutes? The fear of abolition in time and in space gnaws into the vitals, but you know very well you cannot perpetuate yourself in any way.
A distorted thought arises in the mind that you can perpetuate yourself by producing a child; the child is you in replica. That is why the urge to have a child is so strong in people. It is not a desire for the child, actually. It is a desire to perpetuate yourself in the time process. You would like to see your grandchild, also. If the grandchild is not born, you are unhappy. Your great grand-children also you would like to see with your eyes. You have, as you believe, perpetuated yourself in the process of time. The mind may say that you will perish, but you do not want to perish so easily as that. An idiotic idea arises in the mind that the production of children and increasing the number of members in the family is a great achievement.
The nature which is around us, which is intent on producing species of different kinds, exerts the pressure of the species so that a human being would like to have children of a human type only. You would not like to have frogs and scorpions as your children.
You would like to marry. Whom do you want to marry? Do you want to wed a bull, or a cow, or a cock, or hen? You want to marry your species. Do you know why it is that you want to cling to your own species only and not any other thing that also is there in nature? The individuality is a slave to the pressure of nature, though you may think that you are an independent, isolated person. Nature's species impulse pressurises you, so everybody goes to multiply the species concerned. Else, it would look that life is a hopeless wretchedness. It is worth nothing.
These are the three eshanas, longings, which do not always come to the surface of consciousness. Thieves do not come in front of you because if they so come, they cannot do their work. The greatest thieves in the world are these three desires. They want to rob you of everything and make you a pauper until you die a miserable nobody. All people in the world who are subject to these desires die wretchedly, though they might have thought that they have achieved a lot.
When you enter the portals of meditation, as a seeker trying to rise in God-consciousness, these natural impulses will come and tell you that they are not going to permit you to do anything against their wishes. What do you do at that time? Remember what Kaikeyi told King Dasaratha. When you try to live a secluded life, for a long time, these impulses will take different shapes and tell you that they are also there. They will all itch and scratch your body from different sides. You will feel miserable and leave that place and go back home, but at least you will know that these things are inside; otherwise, when you are in a comfortable atmosphere in your house, you think that you have no desires and that everything is well. But be alone to yourself somewhere, and see what your heart says.
When you are drowning in water and you know that in a few minutes your breath is to cease, death is at the elbow, what do you think at that time? That thought will not be available just now because you are not drowning now and you think death also is not at the elbow – it is a little far away on the distant mountain. The possibility is not there, so thoughts that may arise at that time will not occur now. When you have lost everything and the very ground under the feet is cut off, what do you think? You cannot imagine that condition now because it has not actually taken place, but it can take place one day. You must be prepared to envisage such a circumstance, also. If nobody wants you in this world, what will you do at that time?
As an intelligent person, you must appreciate even now that nobody really wants you in this world. None is your friend here. Why should you physically expect a situation in the future where you will know that nobody wants you? You can use your mind and see the future of a possibility where a condition may arise when nobody is there for you. You introduce into your mind a situation where none will want you and nothing is with you. Then you are face to face with that which will come to your aid at that moment.
When everything goes, God comes; when something is there, He is a little far away. There is a little story of how God comes and how God does not come. Sri Krishna was in Dwaraka. He was having his midday meal; Rukmini was serving him lunch. In the middle of the process of eating, Sri Krishna got up and caught hold of a stick that was in a corner of the room. Rukmini asked, "What is happening to you? Whom are you going to attack at this moment, with a stick in your hand, in the middle of the meal?" He did not utter a word. He kept the stick there and came back and started taking his food. "What is the matter?" Rukmini asked. Sri Krishna said, "What is happening is this: Somewhere far off in the middle of the (Rajasthan) desert (away from Dwaraka), a pilgrim is passing. Some dacoits attacked him. I thought I would protect him. But, when I was going to do something, that pilgrim took his stick and started beating the dacoits. I decided to let him manage himself by himself. Why should I interfere?"
If you have your own security, of your glory, in this world, well, let it be. Why should you worry about God? Let Him mind His business. If you can live without Him, you are free to be happy with yourself. But, beware!
The object of meditation is the God you have invoked into your consciousness, and you are not going to listen to the voice of the desires inside, which say that they are also there ready to give you what you want. What are you going to do with these desires? They peep through the apertures of the mind again and again and try to jump on you from ambush. When you are unprepared, they may come and catch hold of you. What can you do at that time? You have to know very well that they may come at any moment. You should not say that they have not come as yet. They can come without giving you notice. If they come, what do you do?
There are various ways of handling desires. One is a crude way; another is a subtle, rarefied manner. The crude way is to be physically away, as much as possible, from that atmosphere where there are things which tempt you. Go far away from them. You should not go on looking at a thing which is disturbing your mind. The other way is psychological, which is done by another technique called substitution. This is the way by which you give to the mind something else instead, not the thing which it is asking for, but something equivalent to it in some way. What that substitute is, is left to each individual to suggest to oneself under the circumstances prevailing.
"When some particular impulse is rising from within, think of its opposite," says one Sutra of Patanjali. Think of the condition which is totally different from that particular situation arising in the mind: the strength of Bhishma, the power of Hanuman, the glory of Bhagavan Sri Rama or Krishna, or some such sublime, exalting feeling. When you feel miserable or weak due to the onslaught of a desire, invoke Hanuman's strength and valour. When you think of him you will feel yourself also a little bit strengthened.
Sita was weeping like a weakling, helpless, with nobody to protect or console her. At that time Hanuman was sitting on a tree and singing the glory of Rama. Slowly he got down and placed himself before her and then introduced himself as a messenger of Rama. "Mother, this is the message: Rama will come and take you. But if you so wish, I can take you now itself from this place. Just now I can lift you and take you to Rama." Hanuman had reduced himself then. He was looking like a small monkey. Sita said, "What kind of person are you? I am a large body and you are like a little kid, a monkey. You are telling me that you can carry me?" Hanuman felt within himself, "The Mother Divine does not know who I am. I will show myself." And he immediately grew to immensity, like a mountain. "Mother, I can carry not only you, but the whole of Lanka together with Ravana. That strength this body has by the grace of Rama."
When you feel helpless, think of the indomitable Bhishma. All the Pandava forces together could not face that one man, as all the Kauravas could not face one individual, Sri Krishna.
All this is a description of what may be called the spiritual crisis of a seeker. "At every juncture, or crisis, I shall manifest myself," says the Lord in the Gita. The spiritual crisis arising out of turbulent desires from within will summon that power transcendent and see that you are freed from your agonies. When God takes up cudgels, none can stand before Him. With that confidence, resort to Him alone.